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In doing so, your partner is less likely to find fault with your reasoning for wanting to find them support. Approaching the conversation with logic and specificity can help them look at their alcohol abuse through a less emotional lens, even though the process alcoholism symptoms can be increasingly emotional. Instead, make sure they know you’re genuinely interested in how they feel from day to day. It also doesn’t hurt to emphasize that you want to learn more so you can better support them on their journey to recovery. While it’s natural to feel upset as you experience the consequences of your partner’s drinking, Nelson encourages cultivating a sense of compassion for any pain they may be dealing with. Your partner’s drinking doesn’t mean they want to hurt you or don’t care about you.
If your husband is an alcoholic, the more you know about the disease, the better prepared you will be to deal with it. It also gives you a sense of control and confidence when you are working with your husband or partner on recovery. Try not to enable your alcoholic spouse by excusing their behavior or caring for them when hungover. I say this as someone who almost put my husband in this situation. My drinking put a terrible strain on our marriage and it was hurting us both. If your partner is not hearing your pleas and concerns and won’t even consider how their behavior impacts you, the problem is more significant than just their drinking.
Research suggests satisfaction tends to be higher when drinking habits align, but that doesn’t being married to an alcoholic mean a relationship can’t thrive if only one person drinks. That’s the world of being a codependent in love and married to an alcoholic. The codependent in a relationship with an alcoholic sets boundaries, they nag, they bitch, they complain, with nothing to back up their nagging and complaining. Here is the shocker that I shared with the above client, that she was not able to wrap her head around for four straight weeks of our sessions.
Knowing your partner’s triggers can make it easier for you to support them when they try to avoid specific factors that might prompt a drinking episode. “Addressing AUD as early as possible can help prevent further consequences, like health issues or relationship damages,” she explains. Above all, it can help to recognize that your partner didn’t choose to have AUD. That said, they certainly can choose to get help — and you can support them with starting that recovery process and sticking with it.
It is natural for your husband or wife to become angry and/or defensive when approached about their alcohol misuse. Suffering from this disease produces a lot of guilt and shame, which often leads partners to dismiss the severity of their addiction. When you approach the conversation with love, understanding, and a deep desire to simply see your partner at their healthiest, productive conversations are much more likely to follow.
We can also guide you in approaching a loved one who needs treatment. These are unhealthy because they ignore the real problem as it gets worse. It is very hard to believe that your spouse is no longer making an active choice to drink. However, when someone is an alcoholic, the choice to drink is no longer within their control, at least to some extent.
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